Day 1

I got a late start this morning and didn't have my fiber drink or breakfast until noon. I got sucked into researching menu plans for the Cleanse and lost track of time. But I don't regret it because I learned that to make the fiber drink less nasty to use 15 calorie Minute Maid lemonade and drink it through a straw while stirring. I tried that route and it really wasn't bad in flavor! The chunkiness was a little odd but I lied to myself and said my smoothie just wasn't blended up great. I was full just after drinking that but I fixed myself some oatmeal with cinnamon and raisins anyway. I couldn't finish it all.

Because of the late breakfast I skipped the snack and had a (natural) peanut butter and banana wrap (whole wheat of course). I knew I would miss the crunch of chips so I put 7 baby carrots on my plate. So far so good but I started to question my goal and my path to it. Eating like a model was not my intention.

Yes, I would like to be a few lbs less but my original goal was to not feel so bloated and gross after eating. I know my insides are tender from the abuse I've been subjecting myself to. With that in mind, eating like a starving rabbit isn't going to help matters. I must learn to eat what I typically eat (which thankfully is about 70 percent clean anyway) in moderation and incorporate healthier snacks instead of having 2 desserts. If I can change what I'm used to doing into a slightly healthier daily routine, then I will never have that yo-yo effect of starving myself down and gaining like crazy when I eat normal again.

The bottom line is no matter what you eat, you need a calorie deficit. I can do that just by cutting back on my sweets. You have no idea how much of a sugar pig I am. Tonight I chose steamed broccoli and broiled tilapia with a sprinkling of bread crumbs for texture. My bedtime snack is fruit before taking those 3 bedtime caplets.

I forgot to mention I burned 576 cal at the gym tonight.  :-) 

Tomorrow

My plan is to start the Advocare Herbal Cleanse tomorrow. I had planned to be better prepared with food but weather has prevented me from getting to the store. I have however made my garbage disposal very happy. I wanted to get some Catalyst to try at the same time but so far I've been unable to find anyone local who has some on hand. Maybe I will score some soon so I can see if it helps.

Gearing up

One thing I can't stand is people who complain with no intention of change. I think those people are unhappy and use that unhappiness to gain sympathy and attention from others. It's a pet peeve of mine and I've pissed off quite a few people calling them out. My thoughts... If you are unhappy you will change it, otherwise it's not as bad as you pretend it to be.

This holiday season has destroyed my attempts of eating better and I feel terrible because of it. For weeks now I have felt bloated and had indigestion problems, lack energy, poor sleep, my skin is looking terrible, and my mood is crabby. It was a friend who suggested I try Advocare. That seems to be a popular product to use to clean out the toxins and get your body back on a nutritional track. Most people follow a meal plan with very specific rules but my overall goal is to feel better.

So here is my game plan... My friend gave me the Advocare Herbal Cleanse that I will try for 10 days. I have so many food allergies that following the recommended food list would be impossible for me. So my plan is to stick to cleaner, less processed foods during this time. I probably won't quickly lose the weight everyone is bragging about losing but if I continue a healthier diet, I will get there. I will keep you posted!

Did he just call me fat?

Santa brought me bronchitis for Christmas and because of the holiday I ended up in one of those walk in places instead of at my Drs. They decided I needed 2 shots, a round of antibiotics, and cough suppressants. The male nurse that came in to give me the shots was (of course) cute. I was not expecting to have to drop my drawers so I was embarrassed about what bloomers I had on. He shot one cheek and that hurt but the second shot in the other cheek hurt worse. I asked why and he said "Thicker on that side." Did he just call my butt lopsidedly fat? I turned to look at him and I almost asked but I didn't want to know. I was speechless at the time but I quietly giggled about it later. I'm using that as motivation once I get well to make a change.

Spanx Diet

I tried the Spanx diet. You know the one. You buy the Spanx because you think you need a little help until that water weight falls off. Just another bloated day. Those things are a *itch to get in and out of. I bought a onesie looking like thing that snaps between the legs because I figured bathroom breaks might be important. After wiggling myself into it and losing a couple of clumps of hair getting it on over my head in the process I didn't feel as compressed as I thought I would. Just felt like a snug swimsuit. But as the day wore on so did my nonchalant attitude with it. I had to take several bathroom breaks just to pull the crotch back into place so I'd stop walking like a cowboy. It wasn't like a wedgie... It was a body suit so if the crotch went too far one way you ended up not being able to stand up straight.

Then came time to eat. I know how much I'm typically able to eat and while I had the Spanx on I definitely filled up faster. Guess no room to expand. That part I liked. I need to be more aware of portion sizes. The downside was the gas that started to build after from being compressed. If bodily happenings gross you out, see you later!  I tried my darnest to keep it under control but one quietly slipped out. I instantly did the "pause and evaluate" and learned that (A.) the Spanx kept any ill smell contained and (B.) the Spanx was so good at holding things in I felt this air pocket trapped all around my hips! Oh what to do! I'm sure it was noticeable that my butt just gained an inch and I didn't like feeling like a 3 yr old hiding a surprise in his pants. I think it took about 5 min before things worked out and my bubble butt had deflated.

Needless to say I am not a fan of this Spanx diet. I must reconsider my approach.

Coming to terms...

I might have an avoidance problem. I don't like to think that I might have actually gained more weight than I meant to in the last few months. I've made several excuses like "Oh, that dinner was too salty. Give me another day and that water weight will drop back off." or "These must be my old jeans. Either that or all those squats I'm doing is starting to build muscle." I've upped my gym time but it seems I have upped my Ice Cream Therapy time as well. I broke my toe earlier this year and told myself I needed to get more calcium. Seemed like a legit reason at the time.  After a few recent incidents (which I will share soon) I am forced to admit I might need to lose a few lbs. I'm not fat by society's definition but I know what weight looks healthy on me and what looks festively plump. I refuse to buy larger clothes and that is where I am teetering. All these excuses I have been making for myself becomes Denial with a capital D when those fluctuating pounds aren't fluctuating anymore.